Showing posts with label Bat Mitzvah. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bat Mitzvah. Show all posts

22 October 2013


(My friend Steve Hochman is a fellow journalist and a wonderful cheerleader for Causes and Effects. Steve and I knew of each other for years (or at least I knew of him and his stellar reputation), but our friendship has very nicely grown only over the last few. I'm always happy to see him. - Melinda)

Things are a bit different today than when I had my bar mitzvah mumble-mumble years ago. (Okay, it was Dec. 12, 1969. So there.) 

At least it was different at Temple B’Nai B’rith in Santa Barbara, at what may have been the most reformed time of the Reform Judaism movement. I mean, a few years later I’d go to dinner with the rabbi before confirmation class and watch him eat a bacon cheeseburger. That’s just a shrimp cocktail shy of a treyf trifecta.

The bar mitzvah prep process was relatively trauma-free. I memorized the various blessings and did the Torah and haftorah readings from transliterations, barely versed in the Hebrew alphabet. I wrote up a sermon from the Torah portion — Solomon, an easy one. Baruch-atah-something-or-other, now you’re a man.

Well, these days I’ve got a ringside seat to a girl in the homestretch countdown to her bat mitzvah. Or, more like I’m in her corner, on her team. And frankly I’m impressed, awed, and a bit intimidated by what’s expected of her and how she’s handling it. Not only is she learning to chant the blessings and passages from the real Hebrew, but also the larger contexts of what it all means. 

There’s a series of seminars with the Wilshire Boulevard Temple rabbinical staff, not just for the kids but families of impending b’nei mitzvahs (Rabbi Steven Leder on that little matter of God — Do you believe? What do you believe? No “right” or “wrong” answers, we are assured). And following that has been a detailed look into the designated Torah portion, in this case the Vayetze — you know, Jacob’s Dream and the soap-opera saga it engenders, replete with intra-familial polygamy, stolen household gods and duplicitous sheep shenanigans. 

And the writing of the sermon to be delivered by the bat mitzvah girl is involving a lot of back and forth and multiple drafts, critiqued and edited by the rabbis before it’s show time. (The extent of the “editing” process for mine was my dad feeling the necessity of adding an arcane “alas” to my text when he typed it up from my longhand.)

Most impressive, though, is that there’s a built-in community service component — the practice of tikkun olam, which means “healing the world.” There were numerous choices, based on what other kids have done. Working with the temple’s staff she settled on volunteering at the Jewish Home for the Aging, where she has been spending some weekend days helping take wheelchair bound residents to and from concert programs on the small campus. 

And then, taking the world part literally, there’s the Twinning Program. In this optional venture, the b’nei mitzvah kids are matched up with counterparts among the Ethiopian Jewish community in Israel. The North American Conference on Ethiopian Jewry, on its website, explains that the Jewish community in Ethiopia, with roots back to Biblical times, was imperiled by famine and disease in the 1980s. The organization sent 18 missions to Jewish villages there to help with the needs. This continued as the Israeli government in 1991 mounted the covert Operation Solomon to bring Jews from Ethiopia to Israel, soon followed by Operation Moses, which among other things took a record 1,122 people in one El Al 747. 

“In Israel today, the Ethiopian-Jewish community is an important part of society,” the NACOEJ explains on its web site. “However, their struggles are not yet over. Many Ethiopian-Israeli families live below the poverty line and cannot give their children the tools they need to do well in school. They strive to build a future, despite the obstacles.

In the Twinning Program, U.S. kids approaching their bar/bat mitzvah and their families make donations to NACOEJ education programs in that community, and are assigned a “twin,” an Ethiopian child also on the bat/bar mitzvah track, with the two able to correspond and share their experiences. 

Given the state of our world, the destructive suspicions and misinformation that seems to infect so much of our conversation, simply being aware that there are Ethiopian Jews, with a noble legacy, is itself crucial if we are to have any hope — ditto for awareness of the Ethiopian Orthodox Christian community, which extends back to shortly after the time of Christ and that many scholars argue is the closest in practice to that of the original Christians. 

-Steve Hochman




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27 April 2013



I’m in D.C. today attending the Bat Mitzvah of one of my closest friend’s daughters. It’s my second Bat Mitzvah (her other daughter’s was my first). It was a beautiful ceremony and I’ve felt very touched and honored to attend such a significant rite of passage.

As my friend said at the service, her daughter may be the youngest in the family, but she’s the family’s oldest soul, and it feels that way. J totally acts her age, but she has a depth and an empathy that is rare for someone of any age, not just a budding teenager.

I couldn’t understand most of today’s service, but I loved letting the Hebrew wash over me and so admire how much's study and discipline it took for J to be able to read her Torah portion in Hebrew with no Romanization.

Luckily for most of us, many of the prayers in the service had been translated into English in the prayer book. While we didn’t read this one today, it stuck out to me as I flipped through the pages:  

“God disturbs us toward our destiny by hard events and by freedom’s now urgent voice, which explode and confirm who we are. We don’t like leaving, but God loves becoming.”

I think about how hard I fight against change that often seems foist upon me and totally out of my control—because it is—but if I think of it as part of becoming who I’m supposed to be, maybe it won’t be easier, but I can accept it with graciousness.  I grew up as a Presbyterian and I don’t remember using words like “disturb” and “urgent” and “explode” in our prayers, but I love the descriptiveness and forcefulness of this prayer. 

As part of her Bat Mitzvah, J does a service project. Hers is working with Together We Bake an Alexandria-Va.-based organization that offers workforce training and personal development to women in transition, many of whom have been in prison, through a micro-baking business. 

Run in conjunction with Friends of Guest House, TWB teaches women in need of a second chance about food production, baking instruction, food safety, packaging and delivery, and customer service, according to TWB’s website. The idea is to not only give them the skills to find employment in the food-service area, but the self-esteem to go with it that can translate into any industry they choose. I tested some of their chocolate-chip cookies and granola while I’ve been here and they were both delicious, especially the cookies.

I’m breaking my own rule to not give to any organization more than once this year; I already give to Together We Bake on my first Chooseday Tuesday in January However, it’s J’s chosen charity and it doesn’t make sense to try to find something different to adhere to an arbitrary rule that I enforced.

April 27: Together We Bake

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