Today was the Preakness. Congrats to everyone who bet on Oxbow and condolences to folks who voted on Orb. I didn’t watch the race and have never been anything but tangentially related to horseracing. 

When I was at Vanderbilt, lots of my classmates used to go to the Kentucky Derby, since it was only a few hours away, but I never had the money to bet and I never was well-heeled enough to run in the horse crowd. They went more for the hats, the seersucker suits, and the Mint Juleps anyway.

The one time I went to the Saratoga Race Track, all I could think about were the words to Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain.” My horse did not naturally win. 

When I was 10 or so, I went through that horsey stage that every girl goes through on some level. It usually happens right before we get interested in boys. I really wanted a horse, which was totally not ever in the realm of possibility of ever, ever happening in the slightest (I think I make my point). So instead, I read all the “Misty of Chincoteague” books, I put together a model of a horse (and learned that I was not good as working with model cement) and my mom took me to Dorton Arena to see The World Famous Lippizaner Stallions. Then I got a crush on a boy and left the horses behind.

Now, on the rare occasion that I go horseback riding, I don’t particularly enjoy it, much to my dismay. I really wish I did. Getting up on a horse is about as awkward as putting on a wet suit and I don’t do either with anything that approximates grace. Once I’m up there, I feel bad for the horse for having to carry me around and I feel bad for me that I can’t just practice my beauty pageant wave and enjoy the ride. Instead, I’m clinging to the reins with both hands as if I really could control Buttercup or whatever the horse is named. Instead, I’m happier brushing the horse and feeding it carrots and patting in between its beautiful eyes, with its four feet and my two feet both firmly on the ground.

Because of the Preakness, I was thinking about horse charities and what happens to all those horses that go out to pasture. 

Heart of a Horse is a Southern California non-profit that rescues horses and finds them new homes. They have three horses up for adoption right now, including Secret, a 12-year old mare who is a cribber... I have no idea what that means, but it sounds like it’s a bad thing; Sadie, who is lame and really does need a pasture, and 10-year old Holly, who is a good trail horse. 

According to the foundation, there are 7 million horses in America. Part of Heart of a Horse’s mission is to find homes for horses once their racing days are gone, instead of those horses who can’t be bred being led to slaughter. 

There’s lots of good stuff up on their site, including their work with kids and horses, but I was very touched by a photo called “Hospital Visit.” It is of a very ill policeman, whose horse came to visit him in the hospital. I don’t know any details, but I know we all welcome a visit from a loved one when we’re sick. 

May 18: Heart of a Horse

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The Dalai Lama is speaking at Tulane’s graduation this weekend, as well as at a conference on resilience.

Every time I’ve seen him interviewed or heard him speak, he’s exuded this sense of serenity and he has a great, joyous laugh. The few friends of mine who have had a private audience with him in Dharamsala felt it was a transcendent moment and they felt they were in the presence of true holiness. One friend brought me back a wonderful gift: a red wrist tie blessed by the Dalai Lama. I think you’re supposed to wear it until it falls off. This may sound crazy, but I’ve saved mine for some time when I feel I really need it. 

Among those in the audience at one of his three speeches over the weekend will be 19 people who were at the Mother’s Day Parade shooting last Sunday in New Orleans’ 7th Ward, according to www.nola.com. That seems fitting. What also seems fitting, in a strange way, is that he will be given an honorary degree at Tulane alongside Allen Toussaint and Dr. John. Wouldn’t you like to sit in on any conversation the three of them have? It will be musical, for sure. 

I don’t agree with everything the Dalai Lama says: for example, he’s against same-sex relationships. Even though I wish he didn’t oppose them  I have no doubt that he treats anyone in one that he meets with respect and compassion.

My two favorite sayings of his are: “My religion is vey simple. My religion is kindness,” and “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” 

The older I get, I’ve really come to believe that kindness is what matters most in this world. Sometimes when friends are thinking about setting me up and ask me what I’m looking for in a man, I’ve found now that “kindness” is the first word out of my mouth and I really mean it.  It’s what I look for in all my connections. I have very few friends who say mean things, but kindness goes so far beyond that... it’s a general understanding of the suffering of others and that we are here to help make other people’s lives better. We are here to lift up others, not put them down. That means all sentient beings. As I’m writing this, I’m wondering where I put some notes I made last year when I heard a Buddhist monk speak. He talked about four basic precepts of Buddhism and compassion was at the very top of the list.  If I can find it, I’ll write about it at some other time. 

The second saying really goes to the heart of this blog and my daily giving. There are days when I’m embarrassed that I’m only giving $10 to a cause and think that it can’t possibly be making a difference and then I think back to when I ran a half-marathon for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society a few years ago and I asked people to donate. I remember one person sent me a check for $5 and I was so pleased. In some ways, it meant more to me than the checks that had zeros in the amount (not that I didn’t appreciate those as well).  

Most days, I realize that giving money is about so much more than the amount. With each donation I make, I am sending the charity a good intention,  a wish that it succeed in its mission, that it make a difference in the world. I’m expressing a belief that by making the world a little better for people that I will never cross paths with who are fighting battles, in many cases, completely different than mine, the world will be a little better for all of us. 

I hope the Dalai Lama would approve.

Today’s $10 goes to The Dalai Lama Trust. The New York-based charity, founded by the Dalai Lama in 2009, promotes educational opportunities, supports institutions working for the welfare of the Tibetian people, fosters dialog between science and religion, and encourages non-violence, among its missions, according to the website.

May 17: The Dalai Lama Trust

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April 17 marked the fifth anniversary of Danny Federici’s death. You don’t have to know me very well to know that I love Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band. I’ve seen them live 45 times.

Many of those times came after my mother died in late 2007. I decided that to help me get over my mom’s death, I would let myself see Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band wherever I wanted to, within reason, since those concerts were the few times following her passing that I felt true joy. 

But it was only a few months after my mom died that Danny Federici, Springsteen’s keyboard/organ player, died from melanoma. The band had already brought in someone to fill in for Federici as his health failed, but it didn’t feel like he was really gone. But after April 17, we had to accept that he wasn’t coming back. 

As I dealt with the grief from my mom’s death, the band seemed to do the same after it came back following Danny’s death. And we were doing it in a similar way: through music. I wasn’t at those first few shows after Danny died, but I saw enough of them on YouTube and followed along with the set list on a Springsteen message board to know that just as Springsteen’s music was healing my broken heart, playing as loud and hard and well as they could was helping them get over Danny’s death too. 

Today, two week’s after the fifth anniversary of his passing, Danny’s son, Jason, posted a notice on brucespringsteen.net asking all of us to remember his father by supporting The Danny Fund, which raises funds for melanoma research and is part of the broader Melanoma Research Alliance.  It was easy enough, all I did was test DANNY to 50555 to pledge $10. Given how much enjoyment his playing gave me over the decades, it seems the least I can do.

May 1: The Danny Fund

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I flew back to LA today after spending a wonderful few days in Washington, D.C.  They were filled with great times with loving friends and those kinds of moments that don’t sound extraordinary, but are, like seven of you clustered around a laptop at midnight so you can watch Rod Stewart’s video for “Infatuation” (I can’t even remember how we got started with that one, other than liquor was involved) and sing along. Then that somehow segues into calling up videos of Barry Manilow and Heart on “The Midnight Special” on YouTube, and before you know it, an hour has passed.

So after little sleep and lots of laughs, I returned home. I was too tired to go to the grocery store, but not too tired to stop at the 7-11 near LAX for some chips and a Slim Jim: dinner of champions, my friends, dinner of champions. 

When I entered the 7-11, a homeless man very politely greeted me and asked me if he might have any spare change on my way out. When I left the store, I gave him today’s $10 and asked him his name. He said it was Calvin. I asked him what his story was. He told me he was homeless. I asked him what happened. He said he got divorced. I said, “So your ex got it all, huh?” I was about to say “So, she got the goldmine, you got the shaft,” to paraphrase the great old Jerry Reed song, but I figured that might fall flat as Calvin didn’t look like a country fan and it seemed a little inappropriate. Plus, if he’s now homeless, I’m doubting there was much of a goldmine.

Calvin nodded and then added the kicker: “AND she got remarried.” 

Man, love stinks sometimes.Tonight, I’m wishing Calvin a safe, warm place to sleep and help for his broken heart. 

April 29: Calvin

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Taylor Hanson turned 30 today and if he’s now feeling old, I’m feeling absolutely ancient. Hanson, the lead singer of former boy band Hanson, best known for their hit, “MMMBop,” is also the father of five kids. FIVE.

I met Taylor in late 1996, which means he must have only been around 13. I’m sorry.... this is going to take me a minute to adjust. I’m really, really not old enough for him to be 30. My friend Steve had signed the  sibling trio and was developing Taylor, Zachary and Isaac’s  major label debut, “Middle Of Nowhere,” which went on to sell several gazillion copies. He gave me an album advance and I fell in love with it over the  Christmas holiday. A few months later, “MMMBop” was No. 1 in about 20 countries.

 Initially dismissed as just another boy band,  Hanson soon proved themselves to have staying power by writing their own songs and playing their own instruments. Even though they aren’t charting radio hits anymore, they still make a great living touring all over the world and releasing new material. They just celebrated their 20th anniversary as a group. History has looked very kindly upon their craftmanship. The Village Voice Pazz & Jop critics poll named “MMMBop” the best single of the year. VH1 ranked it at No. 20 on the channel’s “100 Greatest Songs of the ‘90s.” 

Taylor and I still talk on occasion, usually when the band has something new to promote, and I feel almost materteral toward him. (Isn’t that a horrible word? It’s the female equivalent of avuncular, which is a much better and more common term). He indulges my “remember when I met you in the conference room at Mercury Records” nostalgia and I’m reminded that he is very, very much an adult now, even though I still tend to think of him as such a nice boy.  His voice has even dropped. 

Still, it just felt shocking to see that he’d hit 30 today. According to his most recent tweet, he’s having no such adjustment issues and is enjoying the day on a cruise in Miami with the family.

All these years later, “MMMBop” makes me smile when I hear it, but if I ever need a quick pick-me-up, I also watch this video, which is one of the best things ever made and essential viewing for any Craig Ferguson fan. Really. Seriously. 

In honor of Taylor’s big day, today’s $10 goes to Talk The Walk, a charity that fights against poverty and HIV/AIDS in Africa. The brothers have long supported the non-profit, which raises money by people pledging money for every mile they walk barefoot.  The trio went to Africa in 2007 and was struck by the level of disease and how uncomplicated some of the solutions were.  The band organizes barefoot walks and invites fans before the show to walk a mile with them without shoes and teaches them how they can help by providing a pair of shoes or help build a well in Africa. 

My $10 went to purchasing SMS credits for an HIV/AIDs infected patient to text her doctor, the main ways those in extreme poverty in South America, communicate.

March 14: Take The Walk 

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